That’s 38 days until my departure date… Wow.
In this whole thing, I’ve flopped back and forth from “freaked out” to “in denial” to “excited beyond words.” Right now, I feel mostly freaked out and in denial. (How does that work? Seriously. Does this mean I feel freaked out about something that’s not actually happening??? Or that I’m in denial about freaking out about something that is actually happening?)
During the past months, I’ve been learning the language, reading about the history and culture of the people, selling my possessions, packing and sorting through what to bring with, saving money, talking to people about supporting, and in general preparing as best I know how.
But in these months of preparing, I have often found myself asking, “Have I done enough?”
And the honest answer really is “no.” No, I haven’t done enough to prepare. Honest to God, I could have done so much more.
But I remember Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:33, where he spoke to his disciples about God’s provision for their lives. He told them, “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
And so then I ask myself, “Have I sought first God’s kingdom and God’s righteousness?”
The answer for that is a definite “yes.” Despite my failings, my shortcomings, my sometimes visionless wondering, despite even my sins, I have sought his kingdom and his righteousness before anything else.
I am certain that I could have done more, but I am also certain that I sought him first above all other things.
And so, because of Jesus’ promise, I am confident that he will take care of me. I have, am, and will continue to seek him first. And I’ll watch as he shows himself faithful to provide.
Lord, may my life be a testimony of how you really do provide for all who seek first your kingdom and your righteousness.