It’s been a long process of phasing myself out, and I’ve had mixed feelings about it all. Sometimes, I’ve felt elated as I watched Matt, Jacki, and Rae sharing truth with teenagers and connecting with them in love. Sometimes, I’ve felt jealous as they start getting ideas for what they’ll be doing, how to improve things, and just plain walk with power as they minister. Sometimes, I’ve felt overwhelmed as I think of all the things I do that I haven’t at all told them about yet, and I wonder about whether they’ll have the time to do the necessary administrative things. Sometimes, I’ve felt just plain relieved to get to pass on the burden and weight to a couple of awesome people.
I feel strange mostly.
Most of my life here in Spring Green was dedicated to building something bigger, something better, something reaching more kids, having more of an impact… Now, I’m focused on passing things on, wrapping things up, deciding what’s worth keeping and what’s not… I’m not planning anything really. (I haven’t even planned Seniors’ Night, and that’s in two weeks. I have yet to buy gifts for our seniors.)
Jacki said today at church, “We don’t like talking about the future of Campus Life around you. It just feels weird. It’s like we’re planning how we’re going to get rid of you.”
It does feel weird planning for my departure.
I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in John 12:24: “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”
But it’s not the same, ’cause I’m not dying.
In fact, I feel like I oughta be more sad than I am. But my prayer really is that things would explode when I leave, not like I’m holding things back, but like I got things to a certain point and now the next team is going to take things forward to another and even better point. What a cool thing it would be to get to know that my life laid part of the foundation just like my friend Adam spent 10 years building another part of the foundation, and just like Matt’s gonna build still another part.
Well, I should get back to work.
P.S. It’s Mother’s Day, so make sure make sure to give yours a massive hug and breakfast in bed or something. She deserves it!